Ahaha, I love telling jokes.

One day, a local philharmonic orchestra was invited to play at the town's Founder's Day festival at the park. The park, conveniently located in the center of a commerce district, was a central location and it would boost publicity for the orchestra. So the conductor accepted.

On the day of the festival, the weather was mostly cooperative, except for the fact that it was really windy. So the director gave everyone a piece of string to tie their music to their stands. He took the last piece of string for his conductor's score.

Now, their piece of choice was Beethoven's Symphony No. 9. As you may well know, there's a long segment in the piece where the basses play absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch. So, they decided that they had enough time to sneak off and grab a drink or two at the tavern across the street.

Several drinks later, the basses realized that the song was almost over, and so they hurried to make their way back to the park, tripping and stumbling all the way. When they get to their seats (their absence not gone unnoticed) they were hardly coherent enough to untie their music. The conductor smacked his head in panic, and said,

"It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded!"

lol,

Here's another one of my favorites. XD

A woman is having an affair at home, when she hears her husband come in downstairs. In a panic, she hides her lover in her son's bedroom closet, where the little boy was sitting in for some apparant reason. The woman goes off to get her husband to sleep, leaving her lover alone with the boy.

After a few minutes, the boy says, "Man, it's dark in here!" quite loudly. The lover shushes him frantically, trying to keep his cover. The boy continues to say this, until finally the lover hisses, "What will it take to shut you up?"

The boy replies, "Give me all of your money." The lover quickly complies, handing him a wad of bills from his pocket. This quiets the boy for a little while, but shortly thereafter, the boy says again, "Man, it's dark in here!"

The lover is torked off by now. "I already gave you all of the money on me, and you're sure as hell not getting my credit card! What more do you want!?"

The boy replies, "Give me that watch of yours and I'll shut up."

With a huff, the lover slips his watch off of his wrist and hands it to the boy. About an hour later, the wife sneaks and tells the lover that her husband is asleep and he can sneak out. The next day, she sees her son with the money and the watch. When she questions the boy about it and he explains, she is really mad.

"Boy, I taught you never to steal, especially from your elders! I'm going to take you down to the Church right now, and you're going to confess your sins to that priest!" (Like she really has any room to talk...)

Anyway, she drives the boy down to the Church, takes him back to the confessional, shoves him in and slams the door behind him. The boy looks around and says, "Man, it's dark in here!"

And the priest says, "Don't you start that shit again."

ROFLMFAO!!!

IKR? XD

That last line was priceless.

I heard it on the satelitte radio on a car trip once. I was laughing so hard that I scared the crap out of my little brother who was sleeping next to me.

...maybe it's cause I'm a band geek alumni, but that first one was amazing.

Lol twice!


...On the subject of jokes, the only bonding time me and my dearest brother have is when I'm giving him a massage in compensation for him having to be my chauffeur, and we "bond" over dead baby jokes.

Not the really, super sick ones though.


And I'm not going to write any up, because I don't want to offend anyone!

I know I woldn't be offended *hopeful*

Dead baby jokes?!
Maybe it's cause I'm the morbidest person here, but I'm in for a few.

What's worse than finding twelve dead babies in a bin?
Finding one dead baby in twelve bins.

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet-first?
To see the expression on it's face.

How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off it's head.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
I take my shoes off to jump on my trampoline.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon?
One's fun to smash with a golf club, the other's a watermelon.


I guess they're not that bad really. There are some that are fucked up, but we don't laugh at them

...

Well, you made me laugh, at least.

But, uh, just because I laugh at something doesn't mean I condone it. You all know that, right? Right?

Oh, Aana, that's awful! I'm sorry, I can't laugh at dead baby jokes...