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Number of posts : 335
Age : 27
Location : In a galaxy far, far away...called New York.
Registration date : 2009-05-07

PostSubject: Experiment   Sat Aug 22, 2009 3:09 am

Author's Notes: This the first time I'm attempting to write in first person, and this is multi first person. So constructive critisim is really needed. The story is AU and the Chosen Children have special powers. They aren't that accepted and they are also a team. Adventure only.


Mutants. Supes. Extras. Freaks.

All diffrent names for us: humans with hitherto unimaginable abilites. I perfer the name Chosen Children but not everyone thinks the same as me. Whatever.

I see things. Sometimes it's the past and other times it's the future but my power is very deamanding. And it only gets worse if I come into physical contact with someone; I've seen really horrible stuff by just bumping into people on the street. So. I try not to leave home unless it's absolutely necessary. Less chance of seeing something traumatzing. You can call me a coward, if you want. I don't mind.

I've already called myself worse.

My job is determining possiblites and how to get around them.

I belong to a group called the Chosen Children; don't feel bad if you don't reconize the name, it only means you're not on a need to know basis. We do a lot of paid work for certain people. Mainly we resolve kiddnapings, espionage, bodyguarding, and extermination.

I wouldn't recomend messing with us. It's not pretty.


Sora's car had broken down again. It happens about once every couple of weeks and everytime she stubbornly works on it to prevent another collapse.

In my opionon she should just buy a new car.

I smirk at her as she stomps into the living room, her face and clothes covered in black oil. She sticks her tongue out at me before marching into the bathroom. A second later, the sound of the shower goes on; if I know Sora (and I do) she probably didn't bother to undress before hopping under the water.

About half an hour later I'm proven right yet again as she comes out, both her body and clothing dripping wet. She ignores me as she passes by me to her room but I can't resist asking her about the car.

"Sora, why do you love some car that never works right?"

She stops, turns, and raises an eyebrow. "I'm fond of you aren't, I?"

Damn. And people call me the smart-ass of the group.


I love my friends. I really do. But sometimes I think they're in a conspiracy against me.

First Taichi insults my baby and now my best friend, Mimi, is trying to kill me. I have to exercise all my self-control not to groan as Mimi heaps a mound of grease and chocolate chip filled pancakes onto my plate. I can already hear my arties hardening.

I feel sick.

Mimi smacks me lgihtly on the back of the head. "Eat. They're only pancakes, Sora."

Yes, and Hell is just a suana.

I'm not the only one less than confident in Mimi's culinary abilites. Jyou (who is an even bigger health nut than me) is poking at the food as though he expects it to bite him at any second; Yamato is scowling at the chocolate chips and trying to eat around them; and Hikari is using her Sight to try to find a way out of breakfast without hurting Mimi's feelings.

Besides Mimi only Koushirou, Taichi, and Takeru are digging in with any excitement. Koushirou and Taichi will both eat anything and Takeru will eat anything that has chocolate in it.


I love Mimi. She's practically my sister.

But love only takes you so far.

"I'm sorry, Mimi."

She blinks. "For what?"


I teleport out of there.

I can practically her Mimi's scream of rage and the other's laughter.

Now it's time to get a real breakfast.

Author's Notes: So was the first-person good, so-so, or crash-and burn? Be as brutally honest as you like.
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PostSubject: Re: Experiment   Sat Aug 22, 2009 6:01 am

I think this was a great attempt at first person. I don't have much experience writing in FP myself, so I'm no expert, but you used 'I' so that should be right. I also like the idea of them having powers. It throws plenty of variety into the story.
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Number of posts : 2312
Age : 27
Registration date : 2008-09-05

PostSubject: Re: Experiment   Sat Aug 22, 2009 12:05 pm

I thought it was good Smile

The Incredible Scarab.
You will die at the age of 55.
You will die chocking whilst trying to eat a live hamster.

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