A challenge from ExipiredInGoreville... and an awesome challenge at that.

Title : Dr. Ken
Main Characters : Ken, TK, and Kari
Plot Brief : TK and Kari are having some relationship issues, and they go see Ken for help.

There was a phrase to include, but that'll pop up in later chapters, and I don't want to spoil it XD



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She cornered him as soon as he walked out of the ice cream store that he frequented after school. Apparently his extra-curricular activities were no longer covert, and he’d have to try to be more secretive in the future.

“I need your help.” She pleaded with despair.

Ken took a step back, trying to regain some distance between himself and her devilishly imploring eyes, and raised an eyebrow.

“What do you need my help for, Kari?”

He was conscious of the mint-pumpkin scoop of ice cream slowly melting and dripping against his left hand, which was clutching the wafer cone. Mint-pumpkin was his absolute favourite, and the shop he had just vacated was the only one that sold it in the city, as far as he knew. Liquefying beneath his wondrous concoction was Wormmon’s scoop as well—bubblegum flavoured. Ken had never understood the Digimon’s interest in the girly flavour, and doubted that he ever would.

“I’ll explain it later… let’s just say for now that TK and I are in a rough patch, and we need some outside help to fix this whole mess. We’ll drop by your house around six, okay?”

She smiled at him gratefully, and then walked off, leaving Ken stranded in the middle of the busy sidewalk, bubblegum-mint-pumpkin ice cream coating his hand. He was exceedingly bamboozled at the thought of Kari and TK fighting. What was it all about? Could he really help solve their relationship problems? Time would tell.


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Sitting crossed legged on his computer chair, Ken faced the two teens before him, each on their own respective chaises. Ken twirled around on the chair a couple of times, getting slightly dizzy, before he realized they were waiting for him to say something.

“Want some Jolly Ranchers?” he offered, thrusting a small bowl filled with the tasty candy at TK and Kari.

They each took a few, before TK asked the question Ken was dying to hear the answer to: “Why are we here, exactly?”

Kari sighed through her nose, as if the answer was obvious, and said to him, “Because, TK, Ken is going to help us.”

Ken cleared his throat quietly to try and get his friend’s attention, but it seemed as though he did it too softly, because they did not take notice of him.

“With what, Kari?”

“With our relationship, you—“

“O-kay… why don’t we take a breather for starters?” Ken suggested, pulling his handy dandy notepad from one of his many drawers. He certainly didn’t want them to commence a battle of the sexes in the middle of his bedroom, with his parents not 10 metres away. “And why don’t you tell us what you think is the problem here, Kari?”

Kari sat up straighter, understanding that this was the only chance she’d get at presenting her case.

“For the past few weeks, TK and I have been… not getting along as well as we used to, and while I don’t want to point fingers, it’s his fault.”

TK looked outraged at this, and glared at her, but kept his mouth shut.

“You see, TK has his basketball, and while that’s fine, and I support him in that, I think that he could be a little bit more proactive when it comes to his fan girls.”

Ken frowned at the use of the term “proactive”—that was one of his words. Kari must have thought about this speech quite a bit. He gave her a gesture to continue.

“I mean, he knows they’re there, and yet, every single time, what does he do to stop them from climbing all over him and planting kisses on him? Nothing! Not a damn thing! And it’s driving me up the wall, Ken!”

“Now, hold on a sec!” TK countered. “You’ve got guys crawling over you at school, but you don’t do anything to stop them.”

“That’s because they’re harmless, Takeru. Don’t tell me how to live my life.”

“Do you see what she’s doing, Ken! She’s the biggest hypocrite of life, and she just sits there and stares at me, as if she’s the innocent one here!”

Ken was leaning in TK’s favour slightly. He did not believe Kari’s statement of “harmless boys” was entirely true—he knew a few of them himself, and they were far from cuddly bunnies. Kari was being a bit of a hypocrite, yes, but TK overreacted to the simplest things at the worst times. Like, that time when Davis had accidentally slipped on some spilled juice, and coincidentally landed on TK, who was right behind him. TK hadn’t talked to Davis for a month, ensuring his status as grudge-holder of the group.

It was a definite possibility that he was dramatizing the situation.

“I don’t know what to say, guys. This is more complicated than I thought.” Ken glanced down at his notes, as if consulting them, when in reality he was finishing up the drawing of a turkey he had been doing for the last few minutes. It was almost perfect. “I’m going to have to go more in-depth with this evaluation in order to identify and isolate the problem, and then come up with a diagnosis that is treatable. I’ll have to conduct several experiments, and have some one-on-one sessions with each of you. This process may take some time, and I hope you are willing to try some newer-age testing for this dilemma. Are we clear?”

They both nodded, their heads bobbing up and down as they agreed to hand themselves over to Ken’s experimentations for the few weeks. They really had no idea what was in store for them.

Doctor Ken was in the house.

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Oh yes indeed... next chapter should be up in a few days... I dunno when.

Let me know what you think!!

This was so cute. Ken the Psychologist...I can see that.

B-E-A-utiful.

Haha, thanks guys. Here's the second chapter!!

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Kari’s one-on-one session with Ken was planned for Saturday afternoon, at the mall. Ken hid in the shadows as she strolled through her domain of frilly pink skirts and lacy, revealing tops that were not made for sensitive eyes.

Kari started ranting about all the difficulties of hers and TK’s relationship as she stood in the change room, trying on various outfits.

“I mean, do you ever do that to Yolei, Ken?”

“Uh, of course not,” Ken scoffed, “as if I would ever take off my socks when I was around her.”

“Thank you!” Kari yelled out. “It’s so disgusting when he peels off those grimy socks when we’re watching a movie. And then, if you can believe it, he ends up putting his feet on the table! Ugh, he makes me so mad!”

The door flew open, and Ken glanced up to see Kari red-faced from anger, and glaring at her reflection in the mirror.

“What do you think of this dress?” she asked, twirling around gracefully so he could see all sides.

“Uh, sure. It looks great.” Ken had lots of experience dealing with Yolei whenever she went shopping, and it seemed now was the perfect time to practice his well-rehearsed lines. All this wouldn’t have been necessary, of course, seeing as how Yolei had offered to tag along, but Ken preferred to have some privacy with his clientele, and Yolei would have proved to be a distraction for his subject.

“Okay, I think I’ll get this one.”

Kari returned to the dressing room, shuffling around and sliding clothes off and then back on again.

“I don’t want you to get the wrong impression, Ken.” Kari said suddenly. “I like TK, I really do. He sweet, and funny, and considerate. Not to mention adorable. He’s just the kind of guy I need right now. I couldn’t imagine breaking up with him, so that’s why I asked for your help—because I want him to know that before he gets fed up with me.” She sighed, and headed to the check out.

“Fed up with you? I don’t think I follow.”

“It’s just… I know we’ve known each other for a really long time, and I probably know him better than most, but he has so much potential to 'play the field' for a while, as some would say, and I can’t help but know that one day he’s going to realize that, and end up leaving me for someone better.”

“I see.” Ken said, not really seeing at all.

Kari and TK meshed together nicely, as far as he was concerned, and TK had never even glanced at another girl when Kari was around. This brought up the idea that maybe TK was thinking the same thing about his girlfriend—she did attract a whole lot of attention from the male population—and was worrying about her leaving him. If that was the case, then they were both a bit messed-up in the head, and needed to communicate better. Ken jotted a note on his notepad about better communication techniques that they could possibly go over, but for now they had to do some basic testing.


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The next day, on Ken’s bedroom balcony, with the bright sun glaring at them from overhead, TK and Kari sat on plump, plush pillows, with a grape in front of each of them. Ken’s balcony faced the west, where the hot sun was travelling, and in mere moments Kari and TK would be in full view of its blazing power. Ken sat just inside the doors, sipping on his iced tea, and fanning himself with his notepad. A stopwatch lay beside him, ready to start timing whatever this was.

“Alright, lady and gentleman, get ready for your first experiment.”

“What are we supposed to do, Ken? Eat the grape?”

“Of course not, TK. You’re not allowed to eat at all. Or move. Or have something to drink. Or go to the bathroom. You are stuck on that pillow until you decide to give up.”

“I don’t understand.” Kari voiced her confusion.

“For the next while,” Ken explained, “both of you are going to watch these grapes dry out and turn into raisins.”

“That’s insane!” TK cried. “The sun will be too hot to sit around here all day, pointlessly watching this fruit slowly get turned into a raisin. That kind of thing takes more than a few hours, you know.”

“Yes, TK, I know that. However, this is an important part of my research, so you will co-operate for my sake, all right? Now, we shall begin in fifteen seconds. Prepare yourselves.”

Ken thought his plan was ingenious. He could have gotten them to watch grass grow, but that was too overused, so instead he got them to watch grapes shrivel up into raisins. He had not told them what this experiment was supposed to prove, because he preferred to keep his reasons to himself. Once it was over, he would gladly let them know why he had forced them to stare at an edible object for hours without any sort of comfort or relief—if they stayed around to hear it. He had a feeling they wouldn’t be so keen to participate in his testing after this. For now though, he would watch them squirm under the sun’s eye while he sipped ice-cold beverages, and lounged in front of the wondrous air-conditioning. It truly was a hot day. He almost felt sorry for them.

“And… begin.”

For the first half an hour, all was going fine. It was uncomfortable, but Kari and TK got used to just sitting there, not really doing anything at all.

And then things started heating up.

The sun began to bake and roast them in its oven-hot fire, making sweat drip down their foreheads, and compelling them to wish they hadn’t worn any clothes at all. Thoughts of getting a nice tan went out of their heads as they worried about sunburn, and just imagining a glass of water made them drool in wanting. The black pillows that had once seemed so nice and comfy were now hot to the touch, and sitting on a pile of smashed-up bricks would have been more preferable. Or a swarm of bloodthirsty cockroaches. Maybe even a mound of cacti, heaped together to form a very pointy seat.

It was going to be a long afternoon.

Not once did Ken grow bored of watching his patients watch a grape. It was fascinating, anticipating who would be the one to crack first. His nerves kept him on the brink of expectation throughout the session, and he couldn’t wait to add the final results to his growing collection of evidence.

He didn’t have to wait long.

Only an hour into the experiment, TK said, groaning, “Is it almost done yet?”

Kari whimpered, her lips long sealed shut from constantly licking them and having the heat glue them together.

Ken nudged the sliding door open a bit to reply, “I don’t know. Is your grape a raisin yet?”

“No.” TK sighed. “But it is looking a bit wrinkly… does that count?”

“Sorry, but no. It has to be a fully-shrivelled raisin. You can always quit.” Ken said, and TK thought he heard a hint of hopefulness in his voice. The heat was finally getting to his head.

Kari tried stretching her fingers unsuccessfully and considered doing just that. The idea of going inside those glass doors, and getting a drink of cool, refreshing water sounded like heaven. She willed herself to hold out for another couple of minutes, at least. Just long enough to beat TK at whatever it was they were doing. She knew him sufficiently to be able to tell when he was on the verge of breaking down, and now was that time.

Ken closed the door separating them as TK huffed, and he tried to get back into the position he had been in for the last 60 minutes. He rolled his neck, popping a few joints and exhaled slowly, struggling to calm the tension he felt.

He failed miserably.

Not two minutes later, TK jumped up, wobbling a bit, and slammed open the entrance to his paradise. He flopped down on the floor, collapsing, and letting the soothing waves of the air-conditioned atmosphere wash over his sweaty, exhausted body.

Kari entered seconds after him, but was more refined as she sat stiffly on the seat Ken offered her.

“Okay, I have my answers now. You guys can go. See you tomorrow!” Ken said cheerfully to his friends. They glared at him and slugged their way out of his apartment, vowing to never return to that awful place.

Ken just smiled as he merrily made some notes on his clipboard. Part one of the testing was done and over with. The whole point of that test was to see who would quit the fastest. Ken had made the conditions terrible to cope with, knowing that only an insane person would try to stay out there for the entire afternoon—or worse, until the grape actually turned into a raisin.

TK had given up first, leading Ken to the revelation he was looking for—TK was obviously the sane one of the relationship, for quitting as soon as he couldn’t take it anymore. Kari had been prepared to hold out as long as possible, effectively beating TK in her mind, when really; it just made her look like a crazy person.

Ken chuckled and strolled over to the fridge to get some more chilled water. He was having a blast.


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Let me know what you think!!

[I'm supposed to be doing my homework right now, I've read the first couple of paragraphs and it's been great ^,^ I'll read the rest real soon]

Love the grape watching!

I love this.
Your whole explanation on why TK was the sane one made me laugh for some reason, hehe.

Yay, Kari's the crazy one. ~~

*nervous laugh* I totally forgot to update this... which I will do right about now. Without further delay, the third chapter.

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TK refused to have his one-on-one with Ken at the Ichijouji residence, so Ken was forced to heave his backpack, laden down with useless homework that he could do blindfolded and while eating a box of raisins (he snickered to himself at the mention of raisins), all the way to TK’s house for their appointment.

He traveled to the right floor of the building, using the rickety elevator. Ken gulped throughout the ride as the metal box seemed to sway and wobble as it climbed inch by inch. He literally wanted to kiss the dirty hallway ground as soon as he got off of the death trap, but his sensible side took over and refused to let him go to such drastic measures to prove his thankfulness. He’d just have to remember to use the emergency staircase next time, to avoid using that awful contraption.

The door to TK’s apartment was slightly ajar; therefore Ken did not feel the need to knock the wood of said door to announce his presence. Slipping off his perfectly polished shoes, Ken then stepped silently into his friend’s room to begin what he hoped would be an informative meeting.

TK was pacing with his cellular telephone pressed against his ear—an unusual occurrence as far as Ken was concerned. He frowned as he listened to the blonde’s conversation with whoever was on the other line.

“I never said that! Stop trying to make me seem like the bad guy here, Kari!”

Ken nodded, as if to himself at this recent development. Their relationship appeared to be even more strained than normal, which only intensified his urge to go over some communication techniques this session.

“We’ll talk about this later, okay? I gotta go—Ken’s here.” TK’s phone snapped shut and he tossed it on the desk angrily. He huffed a bit, flopping on the bed, before saying, “So, are we going to do this or what?”

Ken perched daintily on the chair in front of the desk, and replied, “Why don’t you start by telling me what that was all about?”

“It’s just Kari being… moody. I swear this kind of thing happens on a regular basis, like a pattern, or something…” TK glared at the ceiling, pondering why this happened, and Ken flushed pink, knowing the answer he was looking for—Yolei had been nice enough to explain in great detail why she got mad at him for no reason.

“Just between us,” Ken started tentatively, “I have some advice on how to handle those kinds of situations…”

TK sat up, now interested in what was coming out of Ken’s mouth.

“You see… when Yolei’s mad at me, I shove a pillow over my face to make her think that I’m suffocating so she’ll stop yelling… it works pretty well, actually.”

TK absorbed this new tidbit of information, and vowed to store it away for future use.

“But don’t tell her I told you, okay?” Ken requested suddenly. If Yolei ever found out that he did those suffocating acts on purpose, she’d chop of his… well, she’d mangle a part of him that he preferred to keep attached. “Anyways, let’s move on. Tell me more about your views on your relationship with Kari.”

TK took a deep breath and began ranting. Ken poised his hand above the notepad, ready to decipher whatever TK was going to throw at him.

“Kari is perfect. There’s really no other way to describe her. She’s so innocent and cute—I can’t get enough of her. I even imagine about talking to her in class, and I think about what we could discuss, and what her reactions might be, and how I would reply to her… it sounds lame, but what else am I supposed to do during math class? Anyways, I had this sort-of vision once, and we were at the park, I think. She was lying down, reading a book, and I swear she looked like an angel. And then, she turned her head to look at me, squinting a bit from the sun’s glare, and then she smiled at me. Just smiled… but it made me feel so happy and complete. Ever since then, that’s how I’ve always felt whenever I’m in her presence… or at least, that’s how it was before all this fighting started.”

Ken tried not to gag at all the cheese spewing from TK’s mouth. He tried to be romantic with Yolei, true, but he did it in a way that was creative and original. For example, on her last birthday she had asked for something to remember him by, in case they ever had to be separated (Ken couldn’t come up with a reason as to why she wouldn’t just give him a call, were they ever to be unconnected, but he had learned by that point that it was best not to ask questions) so Ken gave her a lock of his own hair. Once his mother had found what he had done, she had deemed it necessary to lecture him on what was appropriate to give your girlfriend and what was not. Ken’s gift had fallen into the latter category in her eyes, but Ken had hardcore evidence to Yolei’s appreciation of this gift… i.e. she kept it in a plastic bag that stayed with her at all times, and she was constantly reaching into her pocket to stroke it and pet it, treasuring it like the prize she thought it was.

Ken got back on track as he heard the tone of misery in TK’s voice as he continued.

“I don’t know what to do to make her happy anymore. Some days I think that everything is going good, and we’re on the mend. But then the next day I say something wrong, or she makes me angry for whatever reason, and we’re back to square one. It’s like running around in circles, chasing your own tail like a dog, Ken, and I don’t know how to stop.”

Ken scribbled on his notebook for a few moments, and then deduced that TK was done chatting for the night… or so he thought. It was time to implement “Operation: Communication”.

Ken couldn’t wait.

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There you go... finally. I'll post the other two later - I have a show to watch right now XD

Aaaaand the fourth.

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“TK, come with me.” Ken instructed. He clutched his notepad to his body as he marched out into the living room, where the ugliest pair of plaid-covered couches existed. They were either made in the ‘90’s, or TK’s mother had worse fashion sense than a 107-year old lady.

Ken perched delicately on the fugly furniture and cleared his throat as TK sat on the matching loveseat across from him.

“Now, TK, tell me: how often do you compliment Kari?” Ken peered at him, expecting his answer.

“Uh, I don’t know… sometimes?”

“I’m sorry, you’re going to have to be just a bit more vague,” Ken said sarcastically.

“Okay, fine… I usually don’t. Only when we go on dates or whatever.”

Ken nodded, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “I see. Therein lies the problem, young Takeru. By not expressing your admiration for her beauty, you are subconsciously implying that you think she is fat.”

“WHAT?!” TK shouted. “That’s insane! I’ve never said ANYTHING like that!”

Ken sighed, “Calm down. I have gone over this issue a million times in my own relationship, and I am well aware that it doesn’t make sense. However, the fact of the matter is, girls have no self-esteem when not flattered. No doubt Kari has been feeling this way for quite some time, seeing as how the two of you have not gone on a date in the past while, and it’s very probable that some of your arguments are being derived from this insecurity that she has been carrying around. You see?”

TK blinked.

“That being said, when was the last time she complimented you?” Ken asked.

“… I don’t remember.” TK admitted. “I’m not sure she ever has, actually.” He frowned, searching the recesses of his mind for a memory that would, under no circumstances, make itself known to him.

Ken mumbled to himself dramatically, if only to increase the tragedy of this situation, “This is worse than I thought…” He sighed, and then said at a normal volume, “We’d better get started.”

TK hunched over in his seat and chewed nervously on his lip, waiting to see what Ken would throw at him this time.

“Tell me, TK,” Ken enquired, “do you like it when Kari wears plaid?”

TK glanced down at the fabric covering the furnishings beneath him, noticing the connection between Ken’s question and his mother’s choice in furnishings, and replied, “Yeah, I suppose.”

“Do you think it makes her look sexy?”

TK spluttered a bit before responding, “What? What has that got to do with anything?”

“Just answer the question.”

“Okay… yeah, it makes her look sexy.”

Ken smiled brightly, saying, “Good, then this experiment will work out wonderfully! Now, I want you to pretend that that lovely sofa you’re sitting on is Kari.”

“Oh no… no, no, no, no, no! This is another one of those crazy ideas of yours that will eventually lead to me spending five years in a therapy group all because you wanted to have some fun, isn’t that right?!” TK fumed.

Ken calmly stared at his deranged friend, and said, “No, of course not. This is simply… practice, per se. Do you really want to go up to Kari tomorrow with the intention of praising her, and choke up like any other person of the male species? No, is the answer you’re looking for there. Now, I want you to stand in front of that… thing and just say whatever you would say to Kari.”

TK looked at him dubiously, but did as he was told so that his back was facing Ken. He took a breath and exhaled heavily. His hands shook and grew clammy as he continued to stare at the mocking red and black plaid fabric he was addressing.

“Uh… umm… you look, err, nice today, Kari…” TK trailed off uncertainly, peeking back at Ken. His mentor’s face was hidden behind the infamous notepad to cover up his laughing features. TK gave his full attention to the couch once again and said to it, “I really like your outfit… it suits you?”

“Okay, stop.” Ken coached. “That was terrible. If you said that to her, she’d break down into tears and that is a situation that you are not equipped to handle, so we want to avoid that at all costs. Now, why don’t you close your eyes for the first little bit? Give yourself a nice visual of Kari wearing the sexiest piece of plaid you ever did lay eyes on, and then use those tingly emotions to express what you’re really thinking. At this moment, that plaid couch is Kari, and she is one sexy beast. Just let it all out, TK. Let it all out.”

TK closed his eyes as instructed, cracked his knuckles and rotated his shoulders, as if he were a boxer preparing for a fight. Ken leaned forward in anticipation of what was to come.

“Kari,” TK began steadily, “I really like your outfit today. I think that plaid skirt makes you look… sexy.” Ken bit down on his fist to stop the giggles from erupting. “Yeah, you heard me, Kari. I think that plaid makes you look damn hot and I’m not afraid to say it. The way you walk, with your hips moving side to side like that, makes me want to throw you to the floor, rip off your clothes and ravish you…”

TK continued with his rant about how much he wanted to smex Kari up, but Ken wasn’t listening, due to the fact that he was pulling a desperate suffocating act in order to hopefully hide himself from the wrathful look of anger plastered upon TK’s mother’s face. She stood in the doorway, listening to her teenage son rant about his not-so-innocent fantasies, and she did not look happy.

Ken whimpered.


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Oh dear.

Not to mention... the fifth.

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Nancy Takashi sat her son and his innocent friend down at the kitchen table, glaring at them with her irate eyes. She had known this day would come eventually—he was a teenage boy, after all—but she just hadn’t expected him to be declaring his love for the living room sofa, with one of his friends sitting right there. It just wasn’t right. It wasn’t natural. She had expected to find him in his bedroom with his girlfriend or something. Something normal at the very least. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that your son liked expressing his fantasies to your old, ragged couch. She wondered how long this had been going on.

“Uh, TK, sweetie.” Nancy began, “How long have you been doing… this?”

“It was a one-time thing, Mom, I swear!” TK pleaded. “Besides, Ken made me do it!”

“I did not!” Ken opposed. “You’ve got to believe me, Mrs. Takashi; I would never force TK into doing anything of the sort! You know me! I’m Ken Ichijoji, Boy Genius.” For the first time in his life, Ken was glad to be able to use that title.

TK gaped at him, face red with rage, and TK’s mom said, laughing, “Sorry, Ken, but your ‘Boy Genius’ status won’t do you any good in this household. Here, everyone is just a person.”

Ken frowned, wishing that Nancy could have been one of those mothers who fawned over him and believed any lies that spewed from his mouth without doubt. TK grinned wickedly at his mother’s stubbornness.

“Don’t think you’re getting off that easy, mister. And wipe that smug grin off your face.” Nancy said, pointing a manicured nail at her son. “Now, where did I put those groceries?”

By this point, Nancy was talking to herself, and rummaging around in the fridge drawers, evidently looking for something.”

“Uh, Mom?” TK asked, bewildered. “What are you doing?”

“I should have done this a while ago, I know, but I always thought that I wouldn’t have to go through this torture, for some reason.”

“Torture?” TK squeaked, alarmed by her choice of words.

“Ken, dear, you can go home if you want. I’m not sure if you’ll want to hear this, and your parents have probably already given you The Talk.”

TK blushed madly and covered his face with his hands, groaning, while Ken raised his eyebrows. It was true he had never gotten The Talk from his parents, but that was because he already knew everything he needed to know. There wasn’t much they could teach a genius. However, Ken had a sneaking suspicion that this might be fun to watch.

“It’s okay, Mrs. Takashi. My parents never got around to it.”

“Well, then,” Nancy said, smiling, “I’m sure this will be very informative for you.”

Ken smiled back, listening to TK say, “What’s all the fruit for, Mom?”

Nancy sighed. “Hiroki gave Matt The Talk when he was just a few months younger than you, and he said that this way worked with him, so I’m going to try it, and hopefully it’ll stick with you.” She cracked her knuckles, preparing herself. She picked up a pear and an orange, and began her eerie version of The Talk.

She smushed the two fruits together, and made kissing noises that were, Ken imagined, supposed to be coming from the fruits.

“Oh, Mr. Pear!” Miss Orange said.

“Hey, Miss Orange,” Mr. Pear said deviously, “do you want to go all the way?”

“I don’t know…” Miss Orange responded.

“Come on! It’ll be fun!” Mr. Pear encouraged naughtily.

Mr. Pear started kissing Miss Orange again, and she said, “Oh, Mr. Pear, do you think this is responsible?"

He replied, "But I love you Miss Orange—my fruity groin wants you!"

And then they were rather rudely interrupted by Supreme Overlord Banana, who scolded, "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU SEEDLINGS ARE DOING!? DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO YOUR RAGING HORMONES!!"

Miss Orange and Mr. Pear apologized, and said that they would NEVER do anything like that again, until they were married, and were old enough to accept the consequences that come with having sex.

“The end.” Mrs. Takashi said, finished with her performance. “So, what do you guys think?”

TK was trying to strangle himself with the collar of his shirt, and Ken was staring at the fruits, disturbed.

“Any questions?” Nancy asked, putting away the fruits back in their respective places.

“… Matt got that same presentation?” Ken inquired, latching on to anything remotely sane.

“Oh, yeah.” Nancy answered. “Hiroki said Matt absolutely loved it! So I figured TK would like it too.”

“Oh yeah, I loved it Mom.” TK fibbed, trying not to throw up.

“Oh good. I was worried that you would think it was too weird or something.”

“Or something…” Ken said. He guessed now was as any a good time to leave. He stood up, declaring, “Well, I’m glad we had this little chat, but I must be going now. My parents will be wondering where I am.”

“Oh! Of course—you don’t want to make them worry! Take care Ken, and remember that if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask me, okay?”

“For sure, Mrs. Takashi. See you later!”

Ken rushed out the door, and didn’t stop his mad power-walking until he was safely inside his bedroom, locked away from the horrors of that particular encounter.

“Did you have a good visit, Ken?” Wormmon asked.

“Uh… yeah, it was fine-ish.” Ken responded evasively.

“What happened?” Wormmon posed enquiringly.

“Nothing, not much. I just won’t be able to look at fruit the same way ever again.”

“Why’s that?”

Ken told him all about it, not leaving out one single hairy detail, and in the end, all Wormmon could say was, “Oh dear. It must suck to be you.”


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So very true, Wormmon. What insight XD

Aww, I love this.
FRUIT!!

Ch. 3: Kari's moody, like a pattern... hmm... what could that mean? Lol. The vision was ah-dorable, but the hair stroking... uhm...
Ch4: “Yeah, you heard me, Kari. I think that plaid makes you look damn hot and I’m not afraid to say it. The way you walk, with your hips moving side to side like that, makes me want to throw you to the floor, rip off your clothes and ravish you…” UHM. MY JOB, TAKERU, THAT'S MY JOB.
Ch. 5: Thank god I don't eat pears. Oranges, on the other hand, I'll never be eating those ever again. Fruity groin?

MOAR PLZ. =)





She should have used Lemon and Lime. x)

Oh god... that would have been... that would have just been too much. I don't think I could have handled it XD

Chapter Six, done up today... I love it when they give us days off school XD

And yes, I DID use the dwarf-thing in here... I just couldn't resist...

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They were running out of places to meet.

Ken’s house was out of the question, as TK and Kari still refused to have anything to do with that apartment, and Ken couldn’t bear to come within a 100-foot range of TK’s house without feeling like he had committed some sort of sin, and needed to be doused in holy water.

That left Kari’s residence.

Ken was fearful of this particular location for various reasons, such as:

1. Food poisoning—who knew what ingredients Kari’s mother actually used when baking?

2. Encountering her insane older brother, and thereby getting distracted by the poof he called “hair”… Ken was almost positive a large settlement of dwarfs resided in there somewhere…

3. Receiving another lecture not unlike the one he heard from TK’s mother—the most terrifying experience of his life, to be sure.

All in all, meeting at Kari’s house didn’t seem like the best option, but it was the only one they had.

They planned it very carefully, so that their rendezvous could happen without the presence of any family members Kari possessed would be in the vicinity. It took some time, and a lot of convincing on Kari’s part to get her parents to go out somewhere far away, but in the end, they were sitting comfortably in the living room, ready to begin their next experiment.

“So, today,” Ken explained, “we are going to determine how well you guys know each other. This is mostly to establish how well your communication skills have been in the past, and it’ll help me decide where we’ll go from here.”

“You know this is a stupid idea, right, Ken?” TK asked. “We’ve known each other for years, and it’s likely that we’ll ace this thing no problem.”

“We’ll see,” was all Ken would say on the subject.

He had an inkling that TK’s statement might have been true once, but people change over the years, including their habits, likes/dislikes, and all-around personality. Ken had a feeling that this would bring his subjects a much-needed revelation that no, they didn’t know each other as well as they thought… but that was just a guess. For all he knew, TK could actually know what kind of underwear Kari wore, but chances of that were rather slim.

“Now,” Ken said, passing both TK and Kari a sheet of paper and a pen, “on these papers, there are ten questions that each of you must answer honestly. And by honestly, I mean no holding back here, people—we want ALL the dirty details. Once you’ve done that, give them back to me, and we’ll begin, okay?”

TK nodded, and bent over his sheet, shielding it from Kari, as she did the same. Ken watched in glee as their faces grew mystified, outraged, embarrassed, and uncomfortable as they read through the questionnaire. They made it through the sheet unscathed and handed it back, still slightly mystified, but glad that that part was done and over with. Ken then checked over the papers quickly, making sure no one had skipped a question.

Satisfied that TK and Kari had done as he asked, he smiled up at them, and said, “Let’s begin.” Turning to Kari, he instigated the experiment with her. “The first question on TK’s page was: What is Kari’s favourite colour? We will now compare your answer to his, and see whether or not it’s right.”

Kari didn’t have to think long in order to come up with an answer to this question. “That’s easy—my favourite colour is blue.”

TK grinned at his first victory, to the amusement of Ken. If TK sincerely thought it was going to be this easy, he had another thing coming.

“Alright, TK. The first question on Kari’s page was: What is TK’s favourite kind of pizza?”

TK nearly scoffed at how simple the question was, but instead of voicing his disbelief, he merely said, “Pepperoni and olives, with extra cheese, and a side of ranch dressing to dip it in.”

“Very well done, you two. You both got the first one right… but now we move onto the second one. Kari, the second question on TK’s paper is: Does Kari ever actually listen to a word Yolei says when she’s ranting?”

“Of course I do! I wouldn’t ignore my friend like that!” Kari replied heatedly, irritated that a question like that would even be on the sheet of paper.

“Oh dear…” Ken said, shaking his head. “It seems as though TK wrote a different answer.”

“What did you write, TK?” Kari lashed out.

“Uh, I just said that no one really listens to her when she gets like that, so I figured you didn’t either…”

Kari’s glare made TK want to bolt for the door, but Ken wasn’t having any of that. “Now, now… let’s not allow our tempers to get the best of us, Kari. There’s still several more question to go before we’re done with this. We wouldn’t want you walking out on us a fifth of the way through, now would we? That wouldn’t accomplish much…”

Kari was still cross with her boyfriend, but she nodded stiffly, seeing the wisdom in Ken’s words.

“Now, TK, Kari’s second question was: If TK could own any kind of pet, what would it be?”

TK responded, “A dog.”

Kari smiled for getting the question right, and they continued with the testing until it was down to the last question. TK had only gotten three right so far, while Kari had done minutely better, getting four correct out of the nine. Ken was beginning to think this therapy thing was pointless—they were almost beyond help. He wasn’t even a trained professional, for crying out loud! Frankly, he wasn’t quite sure how they could expect him to help solve their problems, and keep up with his homework (not to mention his girlfriend). Ken hoped they understood he was charging quite a hefty fee for all of this madness.

“Are you ready for the last question, Kari? Here it is: What does Kari want to do for a living when she grows up?”

“I… I kind of want to be a teacher or something like that.”

TK groaned for getting another one wrong, and he collapsed into the couch, sullen.

“What did TK write?”

“He wrote that you didn’t know what you wanted to be.” Ken supplied handily. Kari closed her eyes, tired of being proven, time and time again, that her boyfriend didn’t know her very well at all.

“TK, final question: Why does TK play basketball?”

“Because I like it, and it keeps me active.” came the muffled reply.

Kari sighed through her nose, exasperated by this whole thing. Ken put a big ‘X’ beside Kari’s answer, as it was clearly erroneous, and he glanced up at his guinea pigs.

Seeing their disappointed faces, he said encouragingly, “Cheer up now, people. We’re going to work through this and make it all better. Now that I’ve diagnosed a problem, we can work to solve it. So, really, there’s no need to get cross at each other, or to pout and whine, because soon the both of you will be as happy as bees once again, and all this will be behind you… right?”

TK and Kari disregarded Ken’s little speech as TK gathered his stuff and headed out the door without saying goodbye to either of them. Kari stood silently and brought Ken his shoes.

“I think you should go now.” She told him quietly, not looking him in the eye.

Ken merely took his shoes from her, grabbed his notes and papers, and left the Kamiya residence, wondering how he could possibly make this all better.


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I'm not sure where it's actually going to go from here... but I'll think of something XD